Why Do Marriages Fail Essay

The marriage is considered to be the combination of two lives for passing the Life span with mutual interest. According to an other saying Husband and the wife are considered the wheels of vehicle if any one of them faces problems; the other will likely suffer the same.

There are two types of marriages prevalent in the world. The First one is Love marriage and the other one is arranged marriage. In western countries mostly the love marriages are preferred over the arranged marriages because they have open society norms. But in Eastern Countries mostly the marriages are arranged by the parents of the boys and girls. The nature and problems of the marriages vary from the type of society.

There are some societies where the marriages are regarded good and lawful relationship between the Wife and husband and it last for long time. But in the west in some countries, there are several problems because both the wife and husband have to work and look after the children. There are usually rifts upon the family background of the either side, financial matters and other domestic problems which cause divorce or separation legally from the life partner .

Main reasons of failure:

The main reasons of failure are giving below. These are related with natural, human relationships in marriage:

1. It is observed that often couples fail to anticipate differences which result from diverse cultural backgrounds, differing family experiences, gender, and so on..

2. The Couples fall into the concept of a “fifty-fifty” relationship, meaning they honestly expect their spouses to meet them halfway on all aspects
3. The society has taught us that mankind is basically good. Therefore, often the couples fail to anticipate and assess their self-centered natures that demand their own way.
4. The married couples fail to cope with life’s trials or hard times . When painful trials come into the marriage, instead of standing together through them, couples tend to blame each other or in other words think something is wrong with the spouse and the way they handle the pain and this leads to their separation .
5. Many people have got a fantasy view of love and life . They abruptly feel stuck with person who does not appear to loving and become deceived into the wrong belief that the next one will be better than the current ..
6. it is also observed at large scale that many people lack a vital relationship with region background . It could be that they have never come to a specific point in time when they asked their deities into their lives as a result he has no impact on the marriage relationship.
7. The Marriages are often forced , in such condition the circumstances lead to divorce due misunderstanding between the Couple . They are married with the will of their parents . They do not appear to interested in them selves .
8. The women are very jealous with other women so they do not want their love divided in two parts , this is an other important cause of failure of marriages .
9. The heavy drunkards often beat their wives and inflict punishment which causes a serious reaction and the circumstances lead them to separation.
10.There is an other common failure of parenting is to not instill principles in children.

They are merely programmed like read only memories. That is, they are told what to do in different situations instead of being given the moral, economic, or health principles involved. As a result, the children form their own principles from the statements from their parents, which seldom are the principles that the parents wanted to instill.

Measures to escape marriage failures:

Now the question arise how to escape the failures of marriages. Well to sustain the successful marriages the following point will be useful

• Firstly the marriages should not forced or conditional which may cause initial displeasure which lea to divorce.
• The like-mindedness is an other asset to sustain a successful marriage.
• The marriages both either arranged or love marriages may considered as the most important relations between the couple and they should be cooperative to each other and forgive the small rifts otherwise they will occur as big problems and lead to divorce.
• Finally the Wife and Husband has sacred relations in all religions of the world , so they must care each other as their impact quarrels may not affect the Life and nature of their children after their birth.
• It is generally observed that divorce is the legal right separation of both husband and wife , but it may practice when there is solution otherwise divorced woman has no value in the society as compared Husband who can marry any girl .

Finally the marriages are very sensitive relations so they have some critical nature of notion. All depends upon both the husband and the Wife to spend the life in such a way that they can live a happy life and establish an example for the people who follow this relation. They must take care of each other and know the interests of each other in order to properly understand the likes and dislikes of each other. Furthermore in joint families , they should be given freedom to interact each other as they need the support of one other to pas the long span of age.

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Marriages can be very tough to maintain. They require a variety of skills. Looking at marriages in different cultures, we can see very different points of view towards marriage. We all know the American culture and how we view marriage. The article “Why Marriages Fail” by Anne Roiphe presents the gloomy side of American marriage. It takes mainly a negative look at American marriage. It does not seem to look at the positive parts of it. A culture that is completely opposite of ours is represented in the article “It Takes a Village to Make a Relationship” by Sobonfu Some. Ms. Some writes her article to try and convince us that her type of marriage is almost perfect. She is from a small village in West Africa from the Dagara tribe. It will be hard to compare and contrast the two articles and views of marriage, because each article gives only one point of view. However, I will try to show ways, in the areas of sexuality and conflict, that the Americans and Dagaras are similar and different.

The Dagara’s view of sexuality is different from ours. We view sexuality in marriage as having two purposes. One is to have children, the other is for pleasure. This is not in Roiphe’s article, but it is something we all understand and accept. The Dagaras view sexuality only in connection with their religion. Some states that “There is a spiritual dimension to every relationship, whether or not the participants acknowledge it. Two people come together because spirit wants them together.” This means that they view their relationship with their husband or wife as something more sacred than sexual. The Dagara tribe does not look for pleasure in sex; it is very sacred to them. Both cultures are similar because they both at least start out with only one mate when they are married. They certainly both use sex to have children, whether it is a sacred act or not.

In the article “Why Marriages Fail” , Ms. Roiphe states that, “Most often extramarital sex destroys a marriage because it allows an artificial split between the good and the bad”. I am not sure what that means, but American culture and values do not allow for more than one wife or husband in a marriage. When there is a third person involved in a marriage, it causes problems. This conflict does not seem to exist in the Dagara tribe because if the wife says that it is ok, the husband gets another wife to live in the house with them. Doing this helps them connect to the spirit world. Roiphe very freely lists many reasons that American marriages have conflicts. “Outside pressures such as job loss, illness, infertility, trouble with a child, care of aging parents and all the other plagues of life hit marriage the way hurricanes blast our shores.” I think that most of these very same pressures attack the Dagara tribe and cause conflicts.

This is how they are similar. After all, we are all human beings. In the Dagara article, Some does not talk about things that create conflict. However, there is a Resolving Conflict section, so you know that there is conflict going on. The Dagaras resolve conflicts by sitting back-to-back. “After invoking the spirit, both people express their frustrations…..Outsiders watching this ritual might fear the men and women are about to kill each other, but it has a powerful emotional ending.” This lets us know that they consider their religion an important part of all their life. It is important when they are happy and when they are in trouble.

Many of the ideas in the Some article are very different than what I am used to hearing about. I think for her ideas to have any chance of working in our culture, Americans would have to let their religion be more important. I don’t think you can just take what they do, such as polygamy or trusting others to raise your children, or letting others choose your mate, without taking also what they believe about “spirit.” That is one of the main things I agree with her about. The Dagara tribe says, “In our village polygamy is allowed.” I find this not normal. The way I was taught growing up was to only have one wife.

These were interesting articles. I found myself agreeing and disagreeing with both of them. They both gave strong views about marriage. Even after reading about the Dagara tribe, I still believe that the standards in the American culture are better for me. The American society says “The struggle to survive in marriage requires adaptability, flexibility, genuine love and kindness, and an imagination strong enough to know what the other is feeling.” That’s for me.


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